


Now or Never by R'rain

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Holiday: v-day, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 05:52:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/794601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a cop is killed on Valentine's Day, Jim decides he has to tell Blair how he really feels.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Now or Never by R'rain

## Now or Never

By Rrain

Author's webpage: <http://www.techplus.com/slashvillage/coffee/>

* * *

Now or Never  
by R'rain 

This was definitely not how Jim had envisioned spending Valentine's Day- -in an interrogation room with a sobbing man on his shoulder. He'd worked with Powers in vice about 5 years ago, and they had been friends of a sort ever since. "I can't believe she's gone," said Powers, the shock still apparent in his voice. "It was so senseless." 

"All death seems senseless," said Jim as Powers gradually regained control of himself and self-consciously wiped his eyes on his sleeve. Jim didn't begrudge Roger his tears--that morning his partner of 11 years had been killed in a shoot-out. 

"Jesus, Ellison, I just can't believe it. There are so many things...I mean...I always meant..." 

"What is it?" 

"I always meant to tell her that I love her, Jim." His tears began to leak again, even though he twisted his face into a grimace to stop them. "I always thought there would be more time, that one day it would just feel right...and now I'll never have that chance." 

"I think she knew, Rog," said Jim as comfortingly as he knew how. "I think she already knew." Roger was silent, carefully controlling himself, and Jim just gave him the occasional awkward pat on the shoulder. He and Roger weren't _close_ \--not exactly--but he was the closest thing that Roger had right there and right then. His brother- in-law was on the way to pick him up, but until then he needed to be with someone. 

There was a knock at the door. "Um, Roger...Dan's here." Jim got to his feet and helped Roger up. 

"You're going to be okay?" he asked him. 

"Yeah," said Powers with a curt nod, "I'm staying with my sister for a couple of days. I'll be in touch." Jim gave him another pat on the shoulder and followed him out of the room. 

He watched as they drove away and then went back into the building to gather up his things before heading home. Maybe he'd have a nice quiet dinner at home and watch some TV--what else would he be doing on Valentine's Day? He didn't expect Blair would be home long--just enough time to change his clothes and head out with that blonde he'd been talking about all week. But Powers' revelations kept repeating themselves in his head. He'd known how Roger had felt about Sharon, and he was reasonably certain that she knew too. But how could Roger ever know that for sure, no matter what reassurances he got? 

He stopped at the grocery store on the way home and got some things for his dinner, thinking about the situation the whole time. 

* * *

Blair could smell the food cooking before he ever got inside the loft. Shit, it had never occurred to him that Jim might be having company, but it was a bit too late to be turning back now so he bit his lip and went on in. Looking around the apartment he saw only Jim. That is, Jim and a delicious meal. 

"Who's the lucky girl?" he asked, getting Jim's attention. 

"No one," he said with a sigh. "I'm solo on this fine evening. I wasn't sure I'd see _you_ before tomorrow morning. What happened to what's- her-name?" 

Blair laughed, "Boy was _that_ a bust! When her girlfriend showed up I thought I'd just die of humiliation." 

"In that case, care to join me for dinner, Chief? Drown our sorrows in some grilled salmon?" 

"Sounds like a plan to me," he said with some sense of relief in his voice, "Just let me change out of these clothes. I had to spend some time in the faculty lounge today and I just reek of smoke." 

"Okay, but don't take too long, dinner's almost ready." As soon as Blair disappeared through the doorway, Jim stopped everything that he was doing and stared at the doorway nervously. It was only a couple of moments before Blair came back out. 

"Jim," he said, confused, "What's this?" In his hand he held a piece of paper, rolled and tied with a red ribbon. 

"Just read it," said Jim quietly, "then everything will make sense." Blair did just that, standing framed in the doorway as he read the letter. When he looked up again, it was with an expression of amazement on his face. "So?" 

"You're wrong," said Blair softly, shaking his head so that his curls slid over his eyes, "Nothing makes sense anymore. Not after this." Carefully he curled up the note and replaced the ribbon, holding it in his hands and staring at it. 

"Did you hear about Sharon Travis?" said Jim, trying not to let his voice shake. 

"Yeah," said Blair sadly, not even commenting on the apparent change of subject. "I saw it on the news." 

"I knew her partner, Roger Powers," Jim went on. "I talked to him for a while today." He looked at Blair with an indecipherable expression on his face, "He loved her. That's what he told me. That he loved her, and that he never once told her. And then she died, and now he'll never have that chance." 

"Is that what this is about?" said Blair, still fingering the note. 

"That's what this is about," confirmed Jim, "It doesn't matter what you say or do now, I just had to let you know. Because you never know how much time you have left. I thought you wouldn't see it until I was asleep," he confessed. "I wasn't quite ready to deal with this yet." 

Blair walked over to Jim and cupped his face in his hands, kissing him gently. For someone with seemingly boundless energy, Blair was behaving with astonishing restraint. "I know how hard it was for you to tell me that." 

Jim was speechless, "Blair?" 

Blair kissed him again, "I wasn't lying when I said none of this makes sense to me. Not yet. But maybe together we can make some sense of it." 

Jim shook his head, trying to clear it. The feel of Blair's lips on his was something he never thought he'd feel, and he savored every moment of it. The silky softness, the gradual moisture, the taste of Blair exploding in his mouth. "Blair," he said again, his mind filled with that word and that word alone. 

Blair laughed and Jim became fixated on that dazzling smile, "You know, this wasn't exactly what I was expecting when I conjured up images of a night at home with you." 

"Did you ever wonder, about us, before today. Before just now?" 

"Only a time or fifteen," said Blair, still smiling in delight. "Some of the guys at school, they would bug me about us living together and all, and suddenly I just realized I didn't want to deny it anymore. I wasn't going to say anything, I was never going to say anything." 

"I think we need to sit down, Chief," said Jim, "this is a little overwhelming." 

"I'll say," said Blair, leading them to the couch. "What about dinner?" 

"It'll keep for a few minutes," said Jim, sitting down, "So...what now?" 

"I don't know," said Blair honestly, "what do you want now?" 

"I've never done this before," said Jim, "not even close. Have you?" 

"Yeah," said Blair, "but for now, maybe what we should do is this." And he kissed him again, longer and deeper. Jim felt his tongue probe into his mouth and felt the delicious flood of sensation. This was Blair, this was really Blair sitting here, making out with him in his living room. 

"Maybe we should talk about this," he said, a little hesitantly. 

"Maybe we should talk later," said Blair, and Jim couldn't resist him a moment longer. 

"In the morning," he confirmed as they began to kiss again. Dinner long forgotten, they stayed there for the rest of the night. 

* * *

Blair woke up with a kink in his neck, his clothing a mess, and his head pillowed on Jim's chest. Why were they on the living room floor? For that matter, why the hell was he sleeping with Jim? The events of the previous evening came back to him in a rush and he smiled involuntarily. Jim was still sleeping, his breathing slow and regular, blowing strands of Blair's hair in disarray. 

Blair was torn between waking Jim up, or sneaking away to fix them breakfast. His mind was still reeling--Jim was his lover. It wasn't a fantasy, or a daydream, or a drug-induced hallucination. Jim Ellison had written him a love letter, confessed his feelings, and then spent the whole night kissing and cuddling with him until they fell asleep. Blair got up and started pacing the apartment, suddenly full of nervous energy. He had to tell someone...but who could he tell? And would Jim _want_ him to tell anyone? They hadn't discussed any of that last night. They hadn't discussed much of anything. 

He looked in the fridge, but shut it again right away. He didn't feel like making anything. But he didn't think he could lie next to Jim and not try to start anything, and that didn't feel quite right either. So he stood with his hands resting on the kitchen table and tried not to think of anything at all. He didn't even hear the footsteps come up behind him; didn't even know anyone was there until Jim put his hands on his shoulders and turned him around. 

"Morning, Chief," he said, planting a slow kiss on Blair's lips. 

"Did I wake you up?" 

"Well, yeah, but I didn't much mind," he confessed. "Blair," he said at the exact time that Blair said "Jim." They looked at one another and smiled. 

"We need to talk," finished Blair. 

"Yeah, we do," said Jim, "but..." 

"But what?" 

"But there are a few other things I want to do with you before we talk," said Jim, kissing him again. 

"Ummm, aren't you moving a little fast?" 

"Blair, if you don't want.." 

"I want! I want! I just want to know that you...want..." Blair's speech slowed down as he stepped back to look at Jim. He didn't have much hair to get messed up (and Blair spared a moment to think about what _he_ looked like) but his face was still pleasantly flushed. Blair had to stop himself from laughing aloud when he noticed that he had left a couple of nice big red marks on Jim's neck, easily visible beneath his half-unbuttoned shirt. 

Jim reached out and stroked Blair's neck with a grin on his face and Blair blushed when he realized that he, too, must have been a little marked up. "Guess we're going to be the talk of the station this afternoon," he joked. 

"Do you mind...if that happens?" 

Jim shrugged, "I don't know. I haven't given it much thought." 

Blair looked at him hard. "You're lying." 

Jim laughed. "Okay, I'm lying. I've thought about it a great deal, but I haven't come up with an answer yet, and I'm not likely to by this afternoon. Is that a fair answer?" 

Blair nodded. "Does that mean you're going to lend me a turtleneck?" 

Jim kissed him again, "I may not tell them, but I think we can let them wonder, just a little. Now about that little thing I wanted to take care of this morning..." He let his hand drift down Blair's chest to brush across the front of his pants. 

Blair grinned, "What do you mean 'little'?" he whispered, gripping Jim's shoulders and kissing him with more urgency. 

"No more questions?" 

"Not at the moment," said Blair, quickly unbuttoning the rest of Jim's shirt as Jim did the same for him. "I'll get back to you on that after lunch." 

"Funny thing, Chief, last night you were the one all gung-ho to..." Blair shut him up with another kiss and pulled the shirt away from his body. He let his lips drift down over Jim's neck to nuzzle his chest and take a tentative lick at his nipple. "Mmmm," mumbled Jim, "Maybe we should take this upstairs." 

Blair nodded his assent, his long curls tickling Jim's chest. He took a deep breath and let the sensation sweep over him fully, feeling how each individual hair took a different path as it caressed his skin. Blair's breath swept across him leaving a trail of heat in its wake. Blair's pulling of his hand, leading him towards the stairs, brought him back to the here and now. He followed him easily and tumbled into bed with his new lover, quickly divesting both of them of their pants and pressing against one another under the comforting privacy of the blankets. 

"You sure you're ready?" asked Blair, his hands roaming Jim's body with relentless thoroughness. 

"I thought you said no more questions," complained Jim, "What do I have to do to keep you quiet?" 

"I guess you have to keep my mouth busy," said Blair with a lascivious note in his voice. 

"You know, that's the one thing I can say about you, Sandburg. You're definitely unpredictable." 

"You're calling me Sandburg? Now?" Blair teasingly bit Jim's neck right above his collarbone, then ran his tongue lightly along his, his hands still busy on Jim's back and thighs. 

"Well then, what _should_ I call you?" Jim twined his hands in Blair's hair and tried to keep his attention on the whole experience, not letting himself become fixated on the smell of shampoo, the feel of Blair's tongue on his skin, the way the lamplight glinted off his hair... 

"Try _Blair_ ," he suggested, his hands drifting towards the front of Jim's body. "You'd be surprised how often I actually respond to it." 

"Aye, Chief," said Jim, busying his mouth on the skin of Blair's face, tasting it, becoming familiar with it. He already knew the way Blair smelled, the way he moved, the sound of his walk and his heartbeat. This was one step further, one step closer to truly knowing his lover. Truly knowing the man he loved. 

He felt a shudder go through his body as Blair first brushed his fingers along the length of his erection and he let out an involuntary gasp. Blair quickly took hold of Jim's lips with his own as his fingers tightened and began to stroke. "Is that all right?" he asked softly. 

"It's more than all right," he moaned, forgetting all about touching Blair as his body reacted strongly to the sensations, "I'm not going to last long," he warned him. 

"That doesn't matter," said Blair, "as long as I'm making you feel good." He sped up his stroke and used his lips to caress the rest of Jim's body, getting a series of gasps and moans out of his very responsive lover. "That is good, isn't it?" he teased him. 

A gasped, "Blair," was the only response he got, and he recognized it as the warning it was. A few moments later, Jim came with a loud moan that Blair stifled with a kiss. Jim bit Blair's lip hard until the waves of pleasure ceased to course through him. Blair just continued to hold him, resting his head against Jim's chest again as it rose and fell at a slowing pace. "I'm sorry," he whispered. 

"Sorry? For _what_?" said Blair incredulously. 

"For this," said Jim, his hand following a familiar path down Blair's body, pausing only momentarily to twist his fingers around the soft, crinkly hairs on Blair's chest. 

"Ah," said Blair with a knowing glint in his eye. "Been a while?" 

Jim grinned a little self-consciously, "Well, it's been a while since I was _with_ anyone at any rate." 

"Don't give it another thought, Jim. I'll be fine." 

"Damn right you will," said Jim, letting his lips follow the path that his hands just had and throwing the covers off them as he went. 

Blair's eyes widened, "Are you sure about that, man?" 

"Absolutely," said Jim, taking the first tentative lick at the head of Blair's erection. "You taste good." 

Blair moaned aloud, "Just promise me you won't zone out, man. _Promise_ me." 

"I promise," said Jim, and then his lips were busy engulfing Blair as far as he could. He had never done this before, but he had certainly spent some very long late night hours thinking about it. He listened for Blair's responses as he licked and sucked, not just the verbal ones but the minute sounds that Blair made moving this way and that--subtle hints about where he wanted Jim to touch him next. It didn't take Blair long to reach the brink--not with such a...sensitive...lover. 

Jim took his mouth off of him the moment before he came, taking him into a deep, deep kiss instead, and drowning out Blair's shouts of ecstasy. They lay there together in silence for a while, hands still tentatively roaming on their initial voyage of discovery. 

"We gonna talk now?" said Blair finally. 

"Just as soon as we clean up this bed," said Jim, curling his body just a little closer to Blair's. Blair groaned good-naturedly and gave Jim's shoulder a little love-bite. 

"Just a few more minutes," he said. 

* * *

Jim was the first to stir after they dozed on an off for about an hour or so. "Up and at em, Chief," he said, shaking his partner's shoulder. Blair's body moved back and forth limply. "It's not every day I let you have the first shower," he went on. 

Blair's eyes flew open and there as an immediate grin on his face, "I have a proposition for you," he said. Fifteen minutes later they _both_ stepped out of the shower, a little chilled but definitely satisfied. 

"You start breakfast," said Jim, heading up the stairs, "I need to get dressed. 

"And I don't?" But Blair was already back to rummaging in the fridge, pulling out a few ingredients. 

"No, I'm going to carry you into the station buck naked so that _everyone_ gets the right idea." Blair watched Jim's back as he went up the stairs, trying to decide whether that had just been a joking comment, or if he was really worried about it. 

"That's a little too cold for my taste," he called up after him, and began mixing the ingredients for pancakes. He could hear Jim's laughter float down to him and decided that it had just been a good-natured comment after all. He was almost finished making breakfast when Jim came back down and put his arms around him briefly, kissing his neck. 

"Time for that talk now?" he asked. 

"Give me five more minutes to get this ready," said Blair, tightening the belt of his robe, "All right?" Jim didn't answer, he was already busy setting the table. 

"I didn't know what to expect last night, when I told you," he said once Blair had sat down, taking a couple of pancakes off the top of the pile. "I knew you wouldn't get _mad_ , precisely, but still..." 

Blair smiled at him, "You know, I never saw it coming," he shook his head. "I'm still a little...overwhelmed." 

"Well, you're not the only one," said Jim. "When Roger was telling me all that stuff, all I could think of was you, and how if something happened on one of our assignments, you would never know. I figured you would be out with that woman all night, and would come home in a good mood so that when you saw the note, it wouldn't be any big deal." 

"Well, it was a big deal," said Blair. "I wanted it to be a big deal, Jim. If you had any idea the number of times I imagined us, together. Especially after I moved in here. People really did get on my case about that, you know. It's a wonder the guys at the station don't..." 

"They do," said Jim quietly, "when they think I can't hear them. Maybe that's part of why I decided to finally bite the bullet and tell you." 

"I'm glad you did." 

"So am I, Chief. But why didn't you ever say anything to _me_?" 

"To _you_?" said Blair, nearly choking on his breakfast, "You, Mr. Mooning-Over-Carolyn-And-Chasing-Anything-In-A-Skirt? Gee, I wonder!" 

"I never mooned over Carolyn." Blair gave him a skeptical look and took a bite of his food to silence himself. "At least never where _you_ could see. And what about you, and your little blonde bombshell?" 

"Yes," reasoned Blair, "But I'm bi. And you," he pointed his fork at Jim's chest, "are not." 

Jim grinned ruefully, "Well, at least I thought I wasn't, until a certain long-haired neo-hippie anthropologist waltzed into my life and somehow took up permanent residence in my heart." He reached over to rustle Blair's hair. 

"Do you know what it does to me when you do that?" he said, sighing softly. 

"That depends, do I get to see the evidence?" 

Blair laughed, "I thought we had to get to the station." 

"Right. Work." 

"What are we going to do about that, Jim? I mean work, and letting people know. About us." 

Jim paused his fork and swallowed, "I don't know, Chief. What do _you_ think we should do?" 

Blair shrugged, "This isn't like everything else. This is the police force--it might cause problems." 

"And it might not," countered Jim, "people _were_ already speculating, remember. More than speculating really, some of them were wondering how long it was going to take for us to come out with it." 

"Jumping the gun a little, weren't they." 

Jim shrugged, "I don't know what to tell you, Blair. I don't want to lie about us, but at the same time it's not an easy thing to just...what _do_ you want?" 

"I want to not have to say anything," said Blair, "and if anyone asks, we can deal with them then." 

Jim laughed, "Have you looked at yourself in the mirror, Chief? They're going to ask." 

"I need to know, Jim. Are we going to tell people or not?" 

Jim took a deep breath, "Yeah, we're going to tell them. On a case by case basis." He slowly let the breath out. "That wasn't so hard." 

Blair stood up with his empty plate and put a hand on Jim's shoulder, "Just wait until the first person asks." 

"Are you trying to encourage this or not?" teased Jim. 

Blair sat back down after depositing his dishes in the sink, "Jim, maybe we should talk about just what 'this' is." 

Jim looked bewildered, "I thought that was pretty clear." 

"Not really," Blair shook his head, "Are we lovers, Jim? Are we going to make this thing permanent? Do I keep my room? Do I get to share your health care benefits?" 

Jim smiled and took his hand, "Yes, we're lovers. I would definitely like to make this permanent if you would. You can keep the room, but I hope you're not planning on sleeping in it." He paused for a moment, "And I'll have to get back to you on that health care thing." 

"So I'm not just living with you anymore, I'm _living_ with you." 

"Yeah," said Jim, "I guess that about sums it up." 

Blair mulled that one over for a moment. "I need to get dressed," he said, standing up. Jim got up and followed him into his room. Blair looked back at him curiously and he just shrugged. 

"I thought you might need some help," he suggested, reaching for Blair's robe and untying it. 

"Why do I get the feeling that getting dressed isn't the only thing you're going to help me with?" 

Jim raised his hands in mock surrender, "Hey, if you don't want..." 

Blair grabbed his hands and brought them back down to his waist, "How many times do I have to say I want you in one day?" he whispered, taking Jim's lips with his own. But Jim had other ideas, sliding Blair's robe off his shoulders and kneeling to take his cock into his mouth in one smooth, predatory motion. Blair cried out and his hands tried to grasp Jim's hair, ending up only clutching the sides of his head. His reaction to the stimulus was almost instantaneous, reaching full hardness in a matter of moments. "Jesus, Jim," he gasped out, "Give a guy some warning." He expected no answer, and got none and Jim began moving his mouth up and down his shaft. 

What must this be like for him? wondered Blair. How do I taste to him? How do I feel? What do I look like through that enhanced sight of his? And then there was no time for coherent thought as he felt a familiar surge go through his body as he came in Jim's throat with a satisfied groan. "One of these days," he managed to gasp out, "We're going to have to take our time doing that." 

Jim kissed his way back up Blair's body, "I think you're right about that," he said. "How about tonight?" 

"You're on. And if we really are going in to the station right away, I do need to get dressed." 

"Why don't you wear that blue sweater of yours," he said, kissing the top of Blair's head. "I like that one." 

"Yeah, well I'll have to remember that," said Blair as Jim left his room. He came out a few minutes later and grabbed his coat off the rack, meeting Jim at the door. "Ready to go?" 

"Now or never, Chief," he replied, leading the way. 

* * *

The trip to the station was marked by silence with the occasional smile or even chuckle. Blair kept looking over at Jim and feeling an overwhelming sense of delight at finally being with him. Even though his hair hid most of the marks on his neck, his expression was going to give it all away. Jim's expression was blank for the most part, but he didn't have the benefit of Blair's hair to hide the obvious hickey on the left side of his neck just above the collar of his sweater. 

Blair thought about the reaction he'd get to that and burst out laughing. "What?" said Jim without looking over. 

"They're gonna know," said Blair, still laughing, "They're going to take one look at you and know." 

"They're going to take one look at me and know that I was with someone last night," clarified Jim, "They're going to take one look at that silly grin on your face and _then_ they're going to know just who it was." 

"Hey man, don't pin this one all on me!" 

"I never said it would be a bad thing. Actually, it's probably easier for people to assume than for them to come right out and ask." 

"Easier, but not necessarily better from a psychological point of view." 

"I think you spent a little too much time in therapy, Chief," teased Jim, "let's just play it by ear and stop thinking about it, okay?" 

"You don't regret any of it, do you?" asked Blair as they pulled up to a red light. 

Jim stopped the truck, turned to Blair, and yanked him into a deep, passionate kiss, "Not a single moment of it. Nor will I ever regret a single moment I spend with you. I love you, Blair." 

Blair looked up at the stoplight, thankfully still red. "Is now the best time to be telling me that?" 

"I don't care. I'll sit here at this light for hours if I have to, until you realize just what it meant to me to give you that letter, to give you my body and my soul." 

Blair smiled and kissed him back, "I love you too, Jim." A horn honking behind them brought Jim's attention back to the road, but not before he took an extra few seconds to kiss his lover as thoroughly as he could. 

"It's just paperwork today, right?" said Blair, "Wrapping up the Petrovich case. No guns, no kidnappings, no messes?" 

"That's right," said Jim, pulling up to the station, "All you have to do there is sit and look pretty." 

"Oh _that's_ a laugh," said Blair, "If precedent is any indication, you'll spend the time drinking coffee in Simon's office and I'll end up doing all the work. Sit and look pretty indeed." 

"You're right," said Jim, "If you sit and look pretty I won't be able to get _anything_ done." As he parked the car he squeezed Blair's hand one last time, "Ready?" 

"Ready." They let go and got out of the truck, walking into the building. 

"Ellison, Sandburg, you're late," barked Simon the moment he saw them. 

"Late for what?" 

"I need to see you in my office _now_." 

"You could have called, Simon," said Jim once they were in the office, "What's going on here?" 

"I hear you were the one to talk to Powers yesterday." 

Jim nodded, "Yeah." 

"Good. He's a good man." 

"No offense, Simon," put in Blair, "but this doesn't seem too urgent." 

"Well this is," he said, slamming down a file in front of them. "This is the case that Powers and Travis were working on when she got shot. Turns out the gang members torched the shop they were in after the raid, so we've got an arson investigation. If you ask me, they just wanted an excuse to transfer the case over to us and wash their hands of it." 

"I agree," said Jim, opening the file. 

"I was _going_ to get you guys on it first thing this morning, but for some reason you didn't show up until now." He peered at both of them closely. Jim reached up to scratch his neck, his hand conveniently covering the worst of the marks, but not before Simon noticed. He scowled. "Valentine's Day. Turns the best of my men into simpering idiots. Next time someone decides to nibble on your neck, Ellison, try to stop them before they get too carried away." 

Jim wisely did not respond. Blair stood there and began to sweep his hair behind one ear, but Jim quickly swatted his hand away. Simon raised an eyebrow and had a rather stunned look on his face. He shook his head, "I don't want to deal with this right now, you two. Get to work, we'll talk later." 

Jim nodded his head as he left the office with the file in one hand. Blair looked up at the Captain with a rather sheepish look on his face. Simon looked down at him without changing expressions, "Later, Sandburg." Blair scurried out of the office. 

"Well, one down and _how_ many to go?" murmured Jim to Blair as they returned to his desk. 

"You call that 'one down'?" said Blair, "No way, man. We're going to be hearing a lot more from him before long." 

"What are you trying to do to me, Sandburg? I don't need to be a bundle of nerves while I go over this case." 

"Well, one consolation is you'll be the first to know if anyone is talking about us. If you're so worried, why don't you just do a little eavesdropping run around the room?" As Jim sat down, Blair took a seat on the corner of his desk. 

"You know I don't feel comfortable with that." 

"Now might be a good time to make an exception, Jim." 

He had to think about that one, "Well, okay. But only to make you feel better." Blair just smiled knowingly. 

He waited a few minutes before asking, "Well?" 

Jim just waved a hand to silence him, and Blair obliged. "Do you really want to know?" he asked finally. Blair nodded. "Well, Simon is muttering to himself that he should have known. Higgins and Guantero are discussing the reactions of their wives to their gifts last night. Halliday is commenting on how you're a lucky guy to get me, and Jenner is commenting on how _I'm_ a lucky guy to get _you_. Bernstein is working on a case and Kidder isn't talking about much of anything." 

"What about Paul and Landow?" 

Jim frowned, "We can talk about that later." 

"No we can't, Jim. I need to know now, all right?" 

"They're talking about us all right. And I don't really like what they're saying." Blair didn't push it this time. 

"I guess people are clueing in pretty fast." 

"You could say that," said Jim and Blair could see that he was bothered by at least one of the reactions. "Look, we do have work to get to," he said. 

"You look over the new case," said Blair decisively, "I'll finish up the paperwork on the last one." 

"Since when do you _volunteer_ for paperwork?" 

"Since now," said Blair, picking up one of the forms on the desk and a pen, "I need to get my mind onto other things too. Otherwise I'm going to ravish you right here and right now." He grinned at Jim, who looked a little alarmed. "Don't worry, no one heard. Now get to work." 

Jim had to smile a little at the admonition in the younger man's voice, "Aye, Chief." 

* * *

Blair couldn't help looking at Jim every time he could. No less than three people had come by to offer him a chair but he kept his perch on the corner of Jim's desk, using a binder as a hard surface to write on. Well, that certainly wasn't the _only_ hard thing in his lap, not with Jim so close by, going over all the minute details on the case and finding them a place to start. 

Every once in a while Jim would look up, as though to say something to Blair, then look back down again and go back to work. They weren't even making small talk, and Blair wondered if he knew that that would make everyone else even _more_ suspicious. It took him about two hours to fill everything out, and he handed to whole stack over to Jim to be signed, noting with a bit of pride that Jim didn't even feel the need to read them over before signing them. 

He picked up one of the documents from the new file and set it on his lap, not really seeing what it said. He took another brief speculative look at Jim and started to speak softly, under his breath. "Hey Jim," he said, "I've been thinking about you all afternoon. Thinking about the way your bare skin felt against mine. God, it was incredible! I can't wait until we get home tonight, so I can take you up on that promise. Take it slow with you, lick your body all over before I take you into my mouth and suck you slowly." 

Blair paused to take a sidelong glance at Jim. He was still looking at the file, but he was squirming in his seat a little. "Sandburg," he growled, but there was definite arousal in his voice so Blair went on. 

"I wouldn't want to bring you all the way though. Not yet. I'd rather have you gasping in my arms, begging me to take you all the way. And then I would just stroke your body, up and down your back, across your chest, over your hips and down your thighs, then back up again. Should I tease your nipples a little? Would you like me to do that before I devour you again? I'll be pretty hungry this time, sucking you hard, trying to..." 

Jim got up from the desk hastily, shoving the file in Blair's direction. "I'm going to the washroom," he said and raced out of the room. Blair chuckled, watching him go, and finally paid some attention to the papers in front of him. That is, until Hannah Jenner showed up in front of him. 

"Jesus, Sandburg," she said, "Are you okay?" She put a hand under his chin and examined him closely, "You look like someone made a real mess of you last night." Blair coughed and blushed without answering. If he hadn't known about her conversation with Halliday he might've though she was genuinely concerned instead of just trying to get information out of him. 

"I'm serious," she went on, "Did someone hurt you?" Blair shook his head. "Are you sure, because if someone did, I can go slap some cuffs on them right now..." Blair had to stop himself from smiling at the thought of Jim in handcuffs. "Or better yet, just tell Ellison about it. He seems to have a thing about protecting you." 

"Lay off, Hannah," he finally said, but he had a hint of a smile on his face that he couldn't seem to wipe off. 

"Is there some reason that you can't tell Jim?" she said innocently, "Blair, he isn't the one who hurt you, is he?" 

"I wouldn't use the word 'hurt'." he mumbled. 

"Ah," she said with a triumphant smile, then lowered her voice, "So those _are_ little love bites. Just wait til I tell Ben about this." 

Blair's hand shot out and caught her arm, "Just what do you think you know?" 

"Listen, Sandburg, it doesn't take any great detective to notice the matching hickeys that you and Jim came in with, and deduce that the two of you had been up to a little hanky panky last night. Am I right?" 

"You can't just go telling people that, Jim would _kill_ me." 

She sighed, "Fine, _I_ won't tell, but you can be sure that I'm not the only one who knows." Blair just shook his head and looked down at the papers in his lap. "Chin up, kid," she said before she went back to her own desk, "It's all going to work out fine." 

He didn't even wonder how she knew what was going through his head, he was getting used to people being able to read him that easily. While he waited for Jim to get back--trying desperately not to picture what he was doing for fear he'd have to make the same trip himself--he looked over the rest of the file. 

* * *

"That, Chief, was just plain cruel," said Jim, sitting down at his desk. 

"I didn't hear you trying to stop me," said Blair innocently, "and hey, you could have just tuned me out. No one was forcing you to listen you know." Jim really didn't have anything to say to that. "So what have we got here?" 

"What we have got here is two separate cases that should never have been sent here from wherever the hell they were before. On one hand we've got a torched shop almost immediately after a major drug bust shoot-out, and on the other hand we've got the bust itself, which was completely disastrous as far as I'm concerned." 

"So?" 

"So, _I_ don't think the arson had anything to do with the bust, or at least not directly. It wasn't set to destroy evidence, it was probably set by the shopkeeper himself." 

"Insurance fraud," said Blair rolling his eyes. 

"Coming on the heels of this bust, no one was going to suspect him of it, right?" 

"So why do you?" 

"Because the fire destroyed parts of the building that contained no evidence and left others that did. And they waited until the police had already been and gone once before doing it. So that rules out both a frantic reaction to the bust and a thought out fire to destroy evidence. That means that either these guys are incredibly stupid, which the clearly are not according to the rest of these reports, or a it's a third party. And this--" he consulted the report, "--Mr. Squire seems like a reasonable place to start." 

"What kind of shop are we talking about here?" 

"A pawn shop," said Jim, standing up. "Squire's son is somehow caught up in all this, but as soon as I find out about this arsonist, that case is going straight back down to vice where it belongs." 

"So we're out of here?" 

"And not a moment too soon," said Jim, grabbing his jacket, "Let's go, Chief." His hand rested on Blair's back just a moment longer than normal, his thumb caressing him with the minutest motion. Blair just smiled and walked out to the truck. 

* * *

The site of the fire was a disaster, with bits of it still smoldering, and parts of walls looking ready to topple at any moment. The smell of damp ashes clung to the inside of Jim's nostrils. He looked around at the milling groups of people, separating the police from the firefighters from the spectators. Finally he strode off to his right and motioned for Blair to follow him. "Not so close," he hissed as Blair brushed against his side." 

"What's your problem, man? A few minutes ago you were..." 

"Never mind that," he said, "We have work to do." 

"No," said Blair, his voice dangerously quiet, "I do mind that. And we're going to talk about it later, all right?" 

Jim nodded curtly and kept walking, "People are staring," he said in explanation. 

"I don't understand you," said Blair, "One minute you're totally cool and the next you're shoving us back in the closet." 

"I know," he said, a note of genuine apology in his voice, "I guess I wasn't as ready as I thought I would be. I wanted to be ready, I'd thought about it so much..." 

Blair resisted the urge to put an arm around Jim's shoulders, remembering what it had been like. "All right," he said, "It's your call. Whatever you're ready for, I'm with you, okay?" 

"Thanks," he replied. Then they reached to officer in charge of the site and their conversation ceased. Blair hung back as Jim talked to him and surveyed the scene a little more closely. It wasn't anything like the last time they'd been on an arson investigation. That time there was hardly anything left to investigate. This time the devastation was painfully clear--seared pictures, the neck of a guitar severed from the body, sopping wet ruins. This was what fire was really like. 

Very shortly he felt a tap on his shoulder, "The guy we want'll be around back," he heard Jim's voice say. "The living quarters had only minimal smoke damage. How convenient." 

"All right," said Blair, "let's go." He ended up following Jim again around the side of the destroyed building to a front door, already ajar. Mr. Philip Squire was standing just the other side of it. 

He sighed, "I suppose you guys need yet another statement," he said. Jim could sum this guy up in one word--loser. Greasy, lying loser. If only he could get the proof. 

"I'm afraid so, Mr. Squire," said Jim neutrally. "It's just a formality. I have to ask you a few questions." 

"Well, I've had it up to here with formalities," he said, gesturing at his neck. 

"Mr. Squire," Jim went on, "Did you or did you not set fire to your own property?" 

"What??" he sputtered. Jim carefully catalogued his reaction--rising temperature, rising pulse--this guy would _never_ have passed a lie detector test. 

"Just answer the question," said Jim. While he was doing the questioning, Blair was watching him. He could see when Jim was using his senses to appraise the man, and nodded to himself at the control Jim was exerting. 

"No, of course not!" he said emphatically. 

"Do you know who set fire to your property?" 

"It was those damn kids," he said, "they're the ones you should be harassing." Jim nodded and jotted down something on his notepad. When Blair glance over, he saw that Jim had written only the word "guilty". 

Before Jim could finish questioning him, another officer got his attention and motioned him over. With a resigned sigh, he handed the notepad to Blair and told him he'd be right back. The officer only wanted to give Jim the initial report on the man, and Jim should have been grateful, but he found he was only impatient. He wasn't normally like this on a case, but he had a lot more on his mind than just police work. 

A commotion behind him brought his attention back to his suspect. Suddenly there was shouting beside him as attention was drawn to the scene. For once in his life, Jim's reflexes didn't kick in immediately. In fact, he felt frozen to the spot, seeing Philip Squire holding a gun to Blair's head. 

* * *

When Simon Banks arrived on the scene, there was already one officer down, and the rest of the police on the scene had pulled back. He pulled Jim aside, "What the hell is going on here?" 

"I was just questioning him, Simon," said Jim, his voice quavering only a little. "I knew from the moment I saw him he was guilty as sin. I got pulled away for a moment, and when I turned back he had taken Blair hostage. That guy is insane, Simon, he keeps going on about how we're not going to take him in, and he doesn't know how to control that gun." 

"Can you get a clear shot at him, Jim?" 

"Yeah, I can make the shot no problem, but even if I do get him there's a possibility that he'll take Blair when he goes down and I can't risk that. I just can't." 

"No one could, Jim," said Simon, "though I have to admit you picked a hell of a time to finally get involved with the kid. You sure you're okay with this." 

"I can do my job, Simon." 

"I'm sure you can." 

"I want to talk to him." 

"Jim, your judgment is impaired, I can't let you do that." 

"If you won't let me then let someone. Blair's terrified, Simon, his heartrate's up there with the hummingbird." 

"He's been through this before, he'll make it this time." 

"That's my point. What happened before was... _before_ " 

"Dammit, Jim, when I said we'd talk about this later I meant we'd talk about his lat..." 

"Shhhh," said Jim and Simon could see that he was listening to something intently. 

"What?" 

"Shhh, damn, Sandburg's talking to him. Trying to talk him out of it. Is he _crazy_? That guy's going to _kill_ him." 

* * *

"Listen, man," said Blair, "you really don't want to shoot me--" 

"Shut up!" 

"--because if you shoot me then that's murder. Right now, all they've got you on is arson, and on your own property too--" 

"I said shut up!" 

"--and that's no big deal compared to murder. You know that no matter what you do, they're going to get you now. They've got you surrounded. Even if you kill me now, they can still get you and then you'll be a lot of trouble." Blair waited for the 'shut up' to erupt from the man, but it was a long time coming and not very vehement when it did. He decided not to push it any further just yet. The man's grip had slackened and Blair thought maybe he was getting somewhere. 

"I don't want them to shoot me." 

"If you put down the gun, I can guarantee that they won't shoot you," said Blair quietly, trying to keep himself from shaking. 

"I don't want to die." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

"I think it's working, Simon. I think it's working!" As the assembled officers watched, all of them with their guns aimed at the man, he took a step forward and laid down his gun. A few moments later, he let Blair go and took a couple of tentative steps towards the officers. 

Blair could hardly walk, he was shaking so hard. Once the suspect was cuffed, Jim went racing towards Blair, taking him into his arms and giving him a long, deep kiss. "Thank God," he said, holding him tightly, "Thank God." 

"Jim," murmured Blair, his head pressed against the larger man's chest, "There are a lot of people here." 

"I don't care, Blair," said Jim, "I don't care as long as you're safe. When I heard you talking to that guy, all I could think was that he was going to flip out and shoot you." 

"You heard me?" Jim gave him a look that clearly said "duh" and Blair had to laugh. "Sorry, man, for a second there, I almost forgot." 

"Listen, Blair, I've got to talk to Simon for a second and then I'm taking you home, all right?" 

"There's no place I want to be more." 

"All right then, come with me." Much to his delight, Jim took his hand and walked over to where Simon was talking to a couple of other officers, "I think you've got your arsonist, Simon," said Jim. "The rest of the files on the drug bust should go back to vice where they belong." 

"I agree," said Simon, "but don't think that it'll be easy." 

"Listen, I'll get all this paperwork caught up and on your desk after lunch tomorrow if you need me to." 

Simon shook his head and ran a hand over his face, "No, I think we can get it all taken care of. Take the day off, Jim, I think you two can use it." Jim raised an eyebrow. "Don't make a habit of it," he added. 

"Thanks, Simon," he said, clapping a hand on his shoulder for a moment, "We're going to head out now, okay?" 

"Go," said Simon, "and take it easy, Sandburg. Try and stop getting yourself into so much trouble." 

"Right," said Blair with a bit of a sheepish look, following Jim back to the truck, still having momentary tremors even though he knew it was all over. He had had encounters worse than this, but he was still a little shaken up. 

Jim kissed him again before they got in, "You sure you're okay Chief?" 

"I'll be a lot better once I'm curled up in bed with you, but yeah, I'm okay," he said, smiling. 

* * *

Jim barely gave another thought to the dozens of people at the scene who had seen him kiss. The only thought in his head was that he had almost lost Blair; he had almost lost him when they had only just found one another. Blair had been in life-threatening danger before--hell, they both had--but everything had changed now. He looked at Blair and smiled. Changed for the better. 

With both hands he pulled him into the loft, kicking the door closed behind them, and pulled both of them down to the floor. 

"Jim," laughed Blair, "what are you...?" 

"Shh, no talking, just kissing," whispered Jim, taking Blair's lips and pulling his sweater up. "I'm so glad I told you, I am _so_ glad I told you..." 

"Me too," said Blair, taking his turn to pull Jim's sweater off and run his hands over the other man's torso. "I know how hard today was for you." 

"No talking," repeated Jim, and kissed him again to shut him up. His fingers were soon tangled up in Blair's hair, pressing them together, their lips a tight seal. It was easy enough to unbutton Blair's jeans and slip them off--as easy as it was for Blair to do the same to him. There was no conscious thought involved anymore, it was all instinct and pure animal lust as they lay against one another on the floor. 

Jim thrust his body against Blair's, still kissing him over and over again. The kisses took on the rhythm of the thrusts and Blair was moaning again and again, speaking incoherent endearments that were either lust-induced gibberish or some obscure tribal dialect. Jim took him into his hand and stroked him, slowly and carefully. 

"Dammit, Jim," hissed Blair, "don't _tease_ me like that!" He thrust himself hard into Jim's hand until Jim picked up a faster rhythm, bringing him closer and closer to orgasm. Blair gave one last hard thrust and came, biting his lip to keep from screaming aloud. All motion ceased for a moment as they both panted, lip to lip, cheek to cheek. Then Jim slowly let his hand slip between Blair's legs pressing between the cheeks of his ass. 

"Blair," he said, "I want to...will you let me...?" 

Blair raised a hand to gently stroke Jim's cheek, "I want you to, Jim," he said softly. As a smile spread across both their faces, Jim slowly rolled him to one side and let a single finger slip inside his lover. Blair's complete lack of anxiety made the passage easy and soon he slipped another finger in. And another. 

"Jim," moaned Blair, "you're teasing me again. Just _do_ it!" Jim was easily convinced and, using Blair's ample ejaculate as lubricant, slowly pushed himself inside. Blair moaned again, part in sheer ecstasy and part in the pain of initial entry. 

"Are you okay," whispered Jim, still pushing his way in. 

"I will be," hissed Blair. 

"Just a little further..." When he was all the way inside, Jim paused to kiss up and down Blair's neck and to get lost in the luxurious hair again. Then he started to move, just a little at first, then in longer and longer strokes, arching his back and driving into his lover with all the passion he had. Their moans now had nothing to do with pain. When he felt himself get close, he let out a gasp and clutched Blair's hair, then let his hands slide down his arms to pin his hands against the floor. 

"Come for me, love," he heard Blair whisper under his breath, and knowing that Blair didn't intend for him to hear made him all the hotter. He came with a long groan and let his body fall limply against Blair's back. 

"I love you," he whispered. 

Blair grinned, "Yes, now is a _much_ more appropriate time to tell me that. I love you too." And he turned his head to kiss Jim, trying to show him without words how much this newborn relationship meant to him. After a few minutes of that, he whispered, "Why don't we take this upstairs?" 

* * *

When Jim saw Blair lying in his bed, all he wanted to do was tuck the blankets up to his chin, kiss his forehead and watch him sleep through the night. He was so, so beautiful. 

"C'mere," said Blair, holding up the covers so that Jim could slide in next to him. "It looks so cold out there." 

"It is," whispered Jim as he slipped into the bed and put his arms around his lover. He wrapped a leg around him and they lay there, as close together as humanly possible. 

"Today wasn't as easy as you thought it would be, was it," said Blair. 

Jim looked like he was going to say "Not now, Sandburg," but instead he just sighed and nodded. "I thought that once I told you, then everything would just fall into place. Whatever you did, you did and that was that. I didn't really delve into the actual consequences of our relationship." 

"And now that you have?" 

"I can't hide from anyone the way I feel about you, Chief. I could try to lie to people, but it wouldn't last long. Being out at the department isn't exactly the brightest thing I've ever done, but I didn't have any choice. I love you." Blair kissed him then, stopping his words there as though he could die happy knowing that. 

"It's not over, you know." 

"I know that. I don't think it's ever over. But we'll handle it just fine. Now when you suggesting coming upstairs, was it because you were tired or because..." 

Blair laughed and moved to straddle Jim, dipping down to kiss his lips, his chin, his throat. The covers gradually slipped down his back as he moved further down Jim's body, taking a tightly peaked nipple into his mouth and nipping on it lightly. Jim let himself forget anything beyond the confines of the bed and focused in those deliciously painful nips, the way the nerves took the sensation to every extremity of his body. "Don't stop," he whispered, "don't ever stop." 

"You've got amazing stamina for an old guy," teased Blair, and Jim's eyes flew open. 

"What was that, Sandburg? What was that?" In a smooth motion, Jim flipped them over so that he was the one straddling Blair, "Did you say something about me being old?" 

Blair laughed, "I take it back! But you know I wouldn't care if you were eighty...you're still all mine." 

"Excuse me _who_ is in possession of _who_ right now?" Jim shifted his hips from side to side and Blair groaned. 

"Age jokes aside, Jim, I can only come so many times in an hour," he said. Jim let his body slide down until they were flat against one another. 

"Just remember, Chief," he said, "you were the first to give in." He pinned the other man to the bed and began to nibble on his throat until Blair began to squirm beneath him. He slowed down until they were just kissing. 

"Maybe you could just hold me," said Blair, "and make me believe that today hasn't just been a dream." 

"Do you usually get held hostage in your dreams Chief?" said Jim as he shifted to position himself behind Blair to hold him in his arms and rest his chin on Blair's shoulder. 

"You might be surprised." 

"Sorry," whispered Jim, kissing his shoulder. 

"S'okay." 

"Why don't you get some sleep," suggested Jim, "I give you, say, two hours before I wake you up to ravish you again." 

"Sounds perfect," said Blair, snuggling up to him. 

"Sweet dreams." 

\--end-- 


End file.
